Like I've said before, I've always been the way I am. However, there is one instance that stands out above the rest on the tsundere scale. It was my second year at my new school. The first year I didn't bother to make friends. I was completely alone, and started my second year with the same mindset. The first class was pretty early, so I was pretty sleepy at this point. Anybody that bothered me was going to be hated for the rest of the year. Que cheerful idiot. Out of all the free seats, she just had to choose the one next to me. She sits down and says good morning with a smile so cheerful I wanted to punch it off her face. I coldly just said hi, hoping that it would end the conversation. I was wrong. She kept talking until the teacher came in. All I could do was give cold short answers, wishing that she would just shut up. It's too early for his cheerful crap. After class was over, she turned to me and started talking again. Why? Why choose me of all people to torment? Every day since then, it was the same thing. It was weird though. As much as I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't dread going to that class. Maybe I had built up a tolerance to his annoying personality. For reasons I still don't know, I eventually grew to enjoy her company. How in the world did I let somebody so annoying become my friend. I can't believe I'm saying this, but after a while it became more. She just has this way of getting under your skin and taking control. Of course I never told her about any of this. How could I? It got to the point that people were starting to wonder if we were dating. Really? She wasn't even that good looking. I always quickly, and enthusiastically, denied it. Until one day I hesitated.
She asked me to hold her purse while she started digging through her pockets to find a ticket stub. As I was holding it, somebody asked if we were dating. I paused. I never paused, but part of me wanted to see what she would say. She said no. I was relieved. What I didn't expect though was a small sense of disappointment. It was then that I finally realized what I was feeling. I wanted to be with her. I just couldn't let anybody know. Show no sign of interest. I started to push her away. I wouldn't talk to her unless she started the conversation. I never offered help with anything. I kept her at arms length just so I wouldn't scare her off. I thought that if I tried to get close, she'd run away. I didn't want to seem clingy, so I did everything to seem like I didn't need her. I guess she picked up on it also, because she started ignoring me as well. She made other friends and started spending more time with them. I wasn't being invited to things that I usually would have. After a bit, I started noticing flaws in her that I hadn't noticed before. Maybe they weren't flaws. Maybe I was just starting to notice how annoying she was again. What I didn't know was that other people knew how I felt. They knew that I liked her. I tried my hardest to hide it, but everyone knew. Everyone except her. I've moved on though. We live pretty far apart, and hardly talk to each other. I haven't seen her in several years, but I'm fine with that. It's just a friendship that's run its course. She still doesn't know any of this, and I really hope she doesn't see this and realize it was her the whole time.
Comments