The other day two people were talking about me. One of them said that I was happy being alone. I don't want to get too negative right off the bat (my next personal post will be happier to make up for it), but I could only think about how wrong they were. I started to wonder how anybody could think that I'd be happy just constantly being by myself. The more I thought about it though, the more it made sense. Even though I don't want to, I'm always pushing people away, and refusing to make attempts to make new friends. How could somebody willingly make choices to continuously be unhappy for so long? I don't complain, and I keep my composure when I'm around anybody else. Why wouldn't people think I'm happy? Since tsunderes don't really know how to deal with strong emotions, we're masters of keeping them hidden. We keep everything inside because we believe we're strong enough to deal with it on our own. Once again, our pride gets the better of us. Of course not all of us hate being alone. Just like any group of people, there are some that want their alone time. They truly enjoy being by themselves. I'm just not one of those, but everybody think I am. My actions and my attitude tell people that I'm fine and happy living life as I am. The truth is, I hate being alone. I just won't show it.
Looking back at the friends that I have, they all were either forced into my life, or forced themselves in. I tried keeping them away. I tried avoiding them, but they were just too persistent. Sometimes it feels like my social/love life isn't even in my hands. I've never chosen my friends (I can't believe I just said love life. Ugh.) They just sort of appeared. I guess I'm more reliant on people than I thought. I don't know. My emotions aren't anybody else's business anyway, right? I can't help but think that it's best to deal with my problems by myself, and continue to let others think I'm always happy with the way things are. Nobody else should have to deal with my stuff, so why let them? I'm probably a therapist's worst nightmare.
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